Regional Dialect

Can we talk about language just a sec? Actually I hate talking about language. You never realize how much you have to talk about it until you're a language teacher surrounded by other language teachers and you all meet for a beer and you settle back against your chair and relax because you don't have to think about exceptions for using "more"+ adjective to make the superlative, for example "more expensive," versus adding "er" to the end and make sure you change that "y" to an "i" as in "happier" and you clink beer mugs and take a drink and let your breath out slowly and someone says "So yeah, what I can't stand is explaining tenses! Because there are so many tenses in English* and not many in German and you have to make German speakers think in new time concepts!" And I nod noncommittally, not making eye contact, using the same tactics my students do. A newer teacher, say, someone who's only been in Germany for a couple months, says, "Really? I didn't know that." I reach for my beer, sighing heavily. We're doomed. That's it. Cue to hours of discussing the differences between English and German where I invariably drift off and start doing lesson plans in my head.

*Native speakers, there are 12 tenses in English. We all learned that crap and we're totally able to express how and when events happen/are happening (SEE WHAT I DID THERE) just by using a certain tense. ISN'T THAT WILD ok sorry I guess not.

What I really wanted to say is, I don't really like how German sounds.

Of course German is parodied a lot as being very harsh and guttural. I think it's a kind of chicken-or-the-egg argument because nowadays people who don't know German speak German words a thousand times harsher than they really should. I have heard very nice sounding German and I happen to be of the opinion that B speaks very nice German, so maybe it is the area (Saxony) we live in. Saxony is very (in)famous for its accent and the most noticeable aspect (for me) is the difference between "zwanzig" and "zwantzschh." I mean they really cut out the middleman and get straight down to brass tacks. Similar is "Leipzig" and "Leipzsch" or "fertig" and (as far as I can tell) "fertsch." Another problem I had for the longest time was hearing "ich weiß ni"--instead of saying "nicht," people say "ni" (which sounds like nee, my fellow Americans, but Germans will read that as sounding like "nay," ok not exactly but close) and this to me sounded like "nie," which means "never." So I thought people were walking around saying "I never know" which can work in some situations but not others. More confusing was hearing "ich hab' ihn ni gesehen" so I sat there thinking, ok Lentz, you can do this. He has never seen him? Surely he knows who I am talking about if he knows he hasn't seen him? Maybe he never sees him? But then it would be in present tense?

And thank you Saxons, for working a word that sounds like no but means yes, into the vocabulary. Maybe they did this so people would have to watch your face closely to know the answer for sure. So Germans, you have "nein," "nee" and "nö" for no. It's "no" in English and "non" in French and "no" in Spanish. So far so good. And then in Saxony you're in a shop and you ask if they can wrap something as a present and they say "nu!" (which sounds like a cross between na and no and nuh, but you can't mix this up with "Na!" which means "Hey it's great to see you, you look great; what's up, how are you?!") So then you stand there and think, well ok, I guess I have to buy wrapping paper. And then the salesperson wraps it for you, adorns it with a bow and ten of the store's logo stickers, puts it in a bag and hands it to you. What just happened? You have no idea. Our friend André pointed out that people say "Tschüssi, nu!" (he's from Dessau) and what the hell does that mean. We all agreed.

There is also the ten minute hug good-bye. In a lot of social settings, Americans don't even acknowledge someone is leaving. A quick bye is ok. Not nice, but ok. "Thanks for inviting me to the party (quick hug) it was really nice. See you! Bye!" and out the door. Germans lead up to saying goodbye (Optional knock on table. "Sooo. Na dann?") and throw in a ton of wishes (Viel Glück/Schöne Woche/Schönen Tag), hug, then all variations of bye are recited by both parties (Tschüss/Ciao/Bis bald/Bis nächstes Mal/Bis später) and then a bid to safety (Kommt gut nach Hause!) and a couple more waves for good measure. I felt like I had no manners when I first came here. I wondered why we take a lot of care to greet and talk with strangers we might never see again but have a quick "Hi" and "Bye" for most situations. Maybe it's an American thing, a midwest thing, maybe it's an Ohio thing, maybe it's a northeast Ohio thing.